Tuesday, January 25, 2011
The future, it's an uncertain one
Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking about the future, namely how uncertain it is, at least through my eyes. I turned 25 at the end of last year, and it's been a bit hard for me. Knowing that 25 years of my life are gone and I can never get them back is a little depressing. I feel like all through high school you know what you're supposed to do, you have your to-do list and you check everything off, one by one. Graduate high school, pick a major, choose a college, graduate again, marry someone, etc. I'm at the point in my life now where I have most, if not all, of these things checked off. So what do I do now? Where do I go from here?
I think we as a society make kids pick their majors too soon, I know I was rushed into picking mine. When you're 18 you have no idea what you want to do with your life (most of us don't anyway), and people change so much during their latter teens and twenties. I had always said I wanted to major in English, maybe teach for a while, and eventually I wanted to become a librarian. When I told people what I wanted to do, I was laughed at. No, not to my face, but I was mocked. "Wait... you want to major in English? And teach? Kids these days are horrible, why do you want to work with them five days a week? Do you know how much money teachers make?" Needless to say, I picked a more "glamorous" major that made more money and tried not to let it bother me too much. By the time I finished my Associate's degree I knew I had made a poor decision, but nothing could be done. Husband and I were getting married and moving away. I decided to go back to school "one day." One day has turned into three years later and school still hasn't happened. Part of it is due to my laziness (and I'm scared to death) and part of it is because school is so expensive, and we're still paying off Husband's school loans. Yes, I am still writing and will continue to write. But there is a very slim chance that writing will work out as a career for me, few people are lucky enough to have that opportunity. I need to know that I have a backup plan.
Over the past few weeks I've been thinking about it a lot and decided this fall I was going to take some classes at the local community college, and hopefully "one day" be able to afford to finish my Bachelor's degree in English. I was almost excited about it. Then I wake up to this article from the Austin Statesman, "AISD School board OKs plan that may cost 485 jobs." Nearly 500 people are probably going to lose their jobs this year. So even after I spend the next 4+ years of my life finally getting the degree I've wanted all along, it's still going to be hard, if not impossible, to be able to do what I want to do.
I'm so frustrated, but mainly upset. Upset with the economy for being so unstable. Upset at people that talked me out of my dream. Upset with myself that I listened.
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